HAPPY IS WHAT WE MAKE IT

HAPPY IS WHAT WE MAKE IT, Always has been and always will be.

Today I hung my new sign on the wall across from the couch where I sit on the laptop.
I was walking along browsing on what to buy with the last of my birthday gift cards & this sign jumped out at me. It did not scare me but made me smile. All weekend Mark & I have discussed that we make life harder than it needs to be. This discussion lead us home to our own Ward as we know we should be. During Sacrament meeting Mark turned and smiled & said "this feels like coming home". I agreed that when we do what we believe if right then our soul is at rest.

I decided that when we wait to ask the Lord for help, his blessings are left unused by us. I do believe the Lord blesses us everyday but if we have a specific need He may wait for our bowed head & bended knee. I needed rest for my soul and the answers to my prayers were so clear. My fear of the doctors' appointments this month is gone. I am at peace that I can be happy with the struggles that come. I pray for good health but will live the way the Lord wants me to. And obviously as long as He chooses as only Heavenly Father controls life & death.

But even more than that - we are taught that "man is that he may have joy" Joy is even more than happiness. I believe in this life we are meant to have struggles and learn to find happiness in spite of the struggles. Once we learn "happy is what we make it" then we find true joy in our lives.

I am happier serving others, going to church, singing badly (ok, I would rather sing good but I find happiness in singing badly too). I have tried to make life fit into the "happy box" that I had decided on. Happy is not about money, a high paying job, eating out, wearing great clothes, or entertaining oneself. It is not even a sailboat. Happiness is sharing love, laughing over stupid things said, smiling at a newborn, awaiting my 9th grandchild. Happiness to me is awaiting visits from my children & grandchildren for the upcoming holidays, holding hands with my love of 37 yrs, seeing friends & families, helping others & being able to turn to our friends & special family members on those dreary days of life and then call them to share that funny joke or good news.

I know many people with more "things" than I have & less happiness and I know people with less than I have but are able to find joy. I will look at my sign every morning and every night - and try to remember that I can let money, health issues, my children living a distance away from me make me unhappy or I can make myself happy that I have a home with my loving husband, I live another day, and I have beautiful children who make me proud & made me a grandmother of almost 9 funny, loving grandchildren (and they are all grand). I choose to make "happy" my new mantra until that final JOY occurs and I go home to my Father in Heaven and see my Mom's beautiful face again.

So BEWARE - there is a smile breaking out on my face :)

Dallin Came A Visiting with Wisdom !

Dallin came to spend a couple of days with us & during it Grammer learned a lot from him. We picked him up at McDonald's at Brier Creek from his Poppy - a few hours later than planned. Dallin was smart enough to call Grammer & ask if he could play Wii at his Uncle Paul's house - well he actually said he wanted to show Uncle Paul who was the master of Wii. haha! of course Grammer said yes, I wanted him to have fun & he did.

As soon as they drove up at McDonald's, Dallin said Grammer, "you tricked me - your hair is different" I said yeah I cut it & he said it is a different color too. I love his honesty. He did say he liked it too. Then Dallin hopped in the back seat & started talking up a storm - I love that about him (someone who talks to me). So we left Papa & Poppy to move the 50 pound suitcase (we are very smart too). He talked all the way to the house with a captive & very interested audience of Papa & Grammer.

We got home & gave him his birthday gift, he opened the card & said thank you very nicely & ripped into the gift (I rip open gifts too - like we use old wrapping paper). He was so excited to get the Wii game with the control sensor & immediately wanted to play. Why are the yound so quick to learn games? Dallin was great & I watched him look for symbols in the airplane game for 3 hours before I noticed the time. OK I let him stay up too late the 1st night but I was excited to visit him & he was excited to play the new game. haha - I quit being delusional about family waiting to hear me drone on for hours last year. LOL

I completely enjoyed every minute of my time with Dallin. He was great company, well behaved and funny too! It was hard to sit downstairs while Papa took him to the airline gate. My heart monitor made it hard to get thru security so I asked Papa to go with him. (no need to create problems) Because of a 1/2 hr delay from weather (lightning) & Papa having to stay until the flight was airborne it was about 1-1/2 hr wait. Dallin was on the plane & completely unconcerned about flying alone. I can not believe my first borne grandson is 11 yrs old & flies alone without any fears. When did he get so wise & grown up? He takes after me ;)

The Results are Coming - big deal! Dallin was here!!!

Tommorrow is the day for the last of the major testing. So far including EKGs, MRI, numerous blood test & the Carotid Doppler Flow - the insurance is over $6300 in payments. I have grumbled over the $380 for co pays & med co pays at least we have great insurance that pays within 2 weeks. Tomorrow I have my EEG that requires needles in the head to see brain activity. EEG prep includes washing hair, rinse 3 times, no conditioner - I will look like a dufus. EMG & NCV requires needles in the muscles with electrical currents shot through the needles to see if the muscles properly contract. Prep includes bath & no lotions, deodorant, or perfumes of any kind - I will smell bad & have dry skin & still have hair that is standing out. haha!

Afterwards, I have an appointment with the cardiologist & hope to rid myself of this stupid box ( Dual Alert AFIB ) that catches irregularities in my heart EKG & records 2 minutes of each one. After 6 recordings,it must be called in & downloaded on a land line phone. I know of 2 landlines one at Jean's & one at Dare's - both of which I have used but usually it means a pay phone. Since it screeches like a load fax machine, it needs to be private or it scares people or they give me looks like I am up to something. I sometimes must download twice a day so Dare's & Jean's are too far. I found a outside payphone at a service station not too far away but must admit as it records automatically if I did not feel symptoms I will "fake" download & just clear it. I am tired of it , so I hope the Dr will remove it tomorrow. They are looking to see if I have a irregular heart beat or an irregular heart beat that is normal. No clue how they tell the difference. I like Dr Parsons a lot but the walking and 25 lbs weight loss & change in foods mini discussion leads me to believe this is not going to be an enjoyable discussion. haha

Next comes the GI testing, colon test, and whatever he called the light into the stomach thing. Can you tell I am tired of the testing? I delayed these because brain & heart, plus MS testing seemed like enough for me. I will come back to them after the results are in for the other tests. The no milk, no aspirin, no bc's, no caffeine - Dr Pepper, Coke & even chocolate, plus cut back on spicy foods has made a huge difference in my stomach issues. I have adjusted but even when out I never drink Dr Pepper but a very occasional coke if the food is spicy. I drink more water than I have in the last 30 years - I do like a little lemon in it though.

So far, we know a heart murmur, my left ventricle valve leaks a couple of drops backwards, left ventricle has some thickening & systolic function issues, the carotid bulb has plaque (they call it discrete) & should not require treatment at this time, my triglycerides & LDL cholesterol are high, my Vitamin D is so low it is off the chart, Vitamin B12 is low, TSH is high, & something called Amylase Serum is pretty high (but since I do not know what it is I am not worried about it- haha). A couple of other low items but already treating with meds so no problem. BOY, it sounds worse written than it is. The MRI - neurologist is withholding information until he sees me - has not even sent to my family doctor (Internist). The neurologist thinks a lot of himself - might I say. For the $2700 they charged for them, I would like the results of the MRI before 9/2.
Oh well, no news is good news for me. My Internist doctor was not amused to be out of the loop & plans a phone call to neurologist. These guys are territorially :)

I am a little nervous about tomorrow but only because the EMG is suppose to be slightly painful but causes muscle pains for a few days. Like recovering from a hard workout. Mark & I have plans for weekend & I do not want to whine & complain all weekend, LOL I grateful to have great doctors, friends & family who love me & have shown it (you know who you are) , a super insurance company, Heavenly Father that gives me the peace of mind of what is = is meant to be, and a loving husband who supports, cares, and loves me with all his heart - the constant worrying he does we could both do without. My nights of crying and fearing the results are over.... if the worst happens then it was meant to be & as Mark says we will sell everything we have & spend of last time together with the same joy we have always had together.

HIGHLIGHT!!!!!!
A short visit from Dallin was a great pick me up & reminds me of what is important to me. We picked him at a McDonald's about 8:30pm on Friday from his other grandparents - sadly my MRI could not be moved so he spent most of Saturday with Dare & the boys while Mark & Ryan moved the boat (it had to be moved that day or pay $375 more), then Dallin & I drove to Lowlands to pick up Mark & Ryan thru the nowhere lands lol. Sunday we spent a while alone with Dallin some of it playing his new Wii game (he is very good) & then Dare, Ryan & the boys came over, on Monday Dallin & I went to Chuckie Cheese & hung out shopping, then a drop in from the Peeds & off to the airport by 5pm . A small thunderstorm with lightning held the plane about 45 mins so Papa waited upstairs & Grammer waited downstairs for about 1-1/2 hrs - now do I look dangerous to you???? LOL Boy that 2-1/2 days went by way too fast - I am ready for another visit from Dallin. So are the twins - they adore him. I lost the 1/2 day but they gained from my loss.

Life is good & I am trying to enjoy it!!!!!!